The Last Hurrah
Captain Blackfield Shandy
Depending on what time of day you ask (and thus how drunk he is at the time), Captain Blackfield Shandy will tell you a hundred different stories about his childhood, adulthood, old age… More or less any time of his life in fact, and each is as unlikely as the last.
Did he lose his legs to a giant shark off Madagascar, or did he have to feed them to an aborigine chief to prevent his entire crew from going in the pot?
Has he really lived on nothing but rum, biscuits and salted pork for his entire living memory?
Were his parents sailor and prostitute (he wavers on which was which), or were they an aristocrat and a highway robber (again, it’s never clear which was which).
He can’t really have robbed the Chinese treasure fleet with just a hairpin, can he?
Was he really in the Royal Navy, or did he simply insist he was and no-one corrected him?
Nobody can tell, and nobody wants to tell. He is Captain Blackfield Shandy, and the few things people DO know as true are more than enough.
He is the man who shot a river god through a Royal Navy ship and back into the afterlife.
He is the man who fought Spanish ghosts to save his beloved.
He is the man who sailed a ship across Europe and then up and into the heavens itself.
He is the man who roars and drinks and blusters his way through life.
He is the man who punts himself through the streets as if he were sailing across the cobblestones.
He loves every man jack of his crew as much as he loves his ship.
He loves his ship as much as he loves his wife and daughter.
He loves his wife and daughter as much as every drop of life he has in him.
He is clearly more than 80 years old, legless, mad, and he is not slowing down any time soon.
He is Captain Blackfield Shandy.